Attack of the Mary-Sues and Their Evil Pet Plot Bunnies
by Lilly flower forever
Summary: The Golden Trio just wanted a quiet lunch without having to worry about Voldemort. However, a new threat comes along, one that is even more terrifying than that of Voldemort. Was it too much for Harry to ask to not have any more near death encounters? A story in which the author is insane and likes to use V-words to describe things... That crazy author is me. Enjoy this random fic


Attack of the Mary-Sues and Their Evil Pet Plot Bunnies

 **Hey... Well, I'm back from my holiday. Have been for a little bit now actually. Holidays are great, they really inspire you. Anyway, this story has been done for a while but I couldn't be bothered typing it up until now. I got lazy and just dictated my story and let it type itself as I spoke.**

 **And yes... I know this idea has been done a million times, I just felt like adding my own version.**

 **No, I do not own Harry Potter... Yet.**

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"What the hell is that thing?!" Ron's voice carried out across the Great Hall.

Hogwarts students had been peacefully sitting down, enjoying the quietness and their dinner when it was rudely interrupted by the arrival of strange fuzzy thing. (Here the Author would like to jump in quickly to say don't be worried, fellow friends and story writers!)

Hermione glanced up from her book to where Ron was looking in distress. She shrugged. "A plot bunny. It isn't too bad yet but I would be careful if I were you, it can get rabid very quickly." She said.

Ron paled at her words. "I don't like the sound of that..." He trailed off.

"It's _mine_." A sparkly voice came from behind them. (Seriously?! First sparkly vampires but now sparkly vOiCeS?)

The Golden Trio turned to see Vanessa Maple-Waters looking at them with her big violet (Author really needs to stop using V-words...) eyes. "It's my pet. Leave it alone. All of _my_ type have one." She continued, flicking her velvety (Author is at it again!) golden hair over her shoulder.

Harry looked at Hermione uncertainly, but she didn't seem to be too concerned about this new information. " _Your_ type?" He asked.

Vanessa smiled dazzlingly, showing of straight pearly white teeth (Man!). "Of course! I'm one of the Mary-Sues! As you can see, we are all perfect. And, of course, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous (Author is feeling terrible now...). We all have pet plot bunnies, and you know what they do?" She asked, leaning in conspiratorially. By now people had gone back to their conversations so the two boys just looked nervously at each other then shook their heads.

Hermione rolled her eyes but kept listening anyway. "Well... What they do is attack random authors (gulp...) so the authors will feel compelled to write us into their stories so we get more fame and popularity. In fact, that is why I am here (uh oh...)." She finished with a bright smile.

The trio, seeming to think everything was alright, turned back to their food. This only served to make Vanessa smile even more evilly (trouble ahead!) and seat herself gracefully next to them. "Oh but..." She started, getting their attention and making them look back up at her. "If I want to increase my popularity as much as possible in Mary-Sue World, it means I must be the most important. I must be the only one!" She shrieked loudly, making more people look up.

Hermione sighed and shook her head. Over-dramatics much... "Fifi, ATTACK!" Vanessa called.

Harry Potter watched in horror as the once cute (ish) bunny turned bright pink, doubled in size, grew super sharp teeth and started charging at him (Author is laughing evilly). "Hermione! Do something!" Harry yelled, relying on Hermione, as usual.

Hermione, having had no previous encounters with a plot bunny (lucky her...), had no idea what to do. In a sudden burst of inspiration, she grabbed a spare sheet of parchment and held it in front of the plot bunny just as it had almost reached Harry. If anything, it would stop it from getting to Harry for the time being.

Miraculously, it dissolved into the parchment turning into pink ink describing Harry's tragic death by an evil plot bunny (I wish it were that easy!). Hermione waved her wand and the parchment turned into a bound leather book. She gave her wand another flick, this time producing chains to put around the book before turning back around to the boys. Both of them had a slightly thankful and scared expression on their face. Hermione sighed in relief. "There. I just saved the author writing our story from having to write the super-mega-sad death scene in which you get mutilated by a _pink_ bunny (Thanks 'Mione!)." She said proudly.

"An evil mind and soul eating pink bunny." Ron corrected her.

"You?! How dare you?!" Vanessa screeched angrily as huge purple wings sprouted from her back (hey, she's a Mary-Sue. She's allowed to have special [Ridiculous] talents! Don't judge.).

"Uh oh..." Harry muttered. "What do we do now?!"

"Run, hide and beg the author to kill her now!" Hermione replied, grabbing both Harry's and Ron's hands and dragging them out of the hall.

Vanessa flew after them easily, catching up quickly. "Oh please, oh please you are a nice author (hear that people?) please spare us and kill the Mary-Sue!" Hermione chanted as they ran.

(Oh people, I shall spare your precious saviour and kill the Mary-Sue. Yes!)

The trio looked back to see Vanessa Maple-Waters exploding into nothingness, just a small pile of purple feathers remained. "Yes! Thank you author, you're the best! (Aww... Thanks 'Mione! You guys hear that?)" Hermione cried.

"Well, that was scary." Harry commented.

"Yay! No more Mary-Sues!" Ron cheered.

"Um... Unless there are anymore hanging around..." Hermione reminded them.

Meanwhile, a pair of sapphire eyes glittered evilly as they listened in on the Trio's conversation...

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 **Here I am sitting here, wondering about their common sense. You know, they could have just used magic... Oh well, It was more fun this way.**

 **Also if any of you are reading this and know I usually review your stories... I am still here! I just had over 150 emails so I'm still trying to catch up on all of them. But I haven't forgotten you! I will respond to any PM's I have when I have some time. :)**

 **Hope you enjoyed please revie- AAAAHHHH!**

 **FIFI HAS RESPAWNED! HELP!**

 **Love ya all, gotta go, bye!**


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